Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Life Of Contradictions

As a Christ Follower, I am always looking for a clearer, more succinct way to understand, much less communicate, what has happened to me. I'm different now. But I also am no different. What the hell is going on?!? This day I feel as though I understand grace and the depths that Jesus has saved me from. That day I feel like the depths of darkness in my heart have the power to overtake the salvation offered by any deity. I waver, flounder, wonder, believe, know, doubt, question, preach, judge, forgive, rise and fall on the promise of the words in Romans 7: 15-25(msg). Read them...

What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
16 So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.17 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!18 I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.19 I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.20 My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.21 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.22 I truly delight in God’s commands,23 but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.24 I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Here is a thought that I've been rolling around in my head for a week or so. Do I live with an "arrival mindset"? I would be so quick to tell you that I don't ever think I've arrived. But do I look forward to that impossible goal in my heart? Am I so focused on the idea that I will reach some form of ultimate success here in this life that I completely overlook the process for the outcome? This is a question I have to face every day. Let's see how it goes...

1 comment:

  1. Dude… that is so well written and captures many, many of my own thoughts and questions as I journey.