Worth

Worth

2011 Michael Ferrari

Verse 1

There is no end to how far you would go for me.

There is no friend who would do what you did.

There are no words to express how I feel to thee.

Chorus

As far away as my legs can carry me when I run,

You pursue me like a daddy would follow his son

To the ends of the earth

And that’s how much I’m worth

To you my God

Verse 2

There is no end to the things that I try to control

There is no way that my plans will not fail

You are the God of the knowing your plans for me

And you make me whole

Chorus

As far away as my legs can carry me when I run,

You pursue me like a daddy would follow his son

To the ends of the earth

And that’s how much I’m worth

To you my God

Bridge

I’ve been living high

I’ve been living wild

On the fast track to the other side

Never knew your love is deep as your love is wide

Your love is warm for this child

I’ve been in the cold

Going on my own

Living in the deep freeze of the growing old

Thaw my heart bring me home

Chorus

As far away as my legs can carry me when I run,

You pursue me like a daddy would follow his son

To the ends of the earth

And that’s how much I’m worth

To you my God

That Was Me

Here is a song I co-wrote today with a friend of mine, Jason Mitchell. He shared for approximately 10 minutes regarding various topics that addressed the question: "What songs is the Church not singing or writing?" It was an inspirational 10 minutes. Afterwards, I was afforded the opportunity to write a song with him. Here are the lyrics:

That Was Me

2011 Ferrari, Michael; Mitchell, Jason

Verse 1

When I didn’t care

about the things I did and if you were there

watching over me to see my despair -

that was me.

But you were there

Watching over me you saw my despair

You saw the things I did when I didn’t care

You cared for me

Verse 2

When I couldn’t see

I was blind to everything I could be

I had a heart inside that couldn’t beat

That was me.

You looked at me

You clearly saw inside that I wasn’t free

You lead me by the hand when I couldn’t see

‘Cause you saw me

Bridge

That was me

A person in the grasp of darkness I couldn’t see

In spite of all that I had done you found me on my knees

That was me

Interlude

Bridge 2

Now this is me

A person with a Savior who has heard my silent plea

A locked up heart that had no hope but you had the key

This is me

Stream Of Subconsciousness

Today, we are beginning a new meeting schedule within the company. It will streamline creativity and productivity while decentralizing both. It's a good step toward a growing future for our organization. Of course, nobody REALLY knows how it's all going to work. We'll figure and tweak as we go. But when there's not a complete and spelled out plan to a process, I immediately mistrust it. Right now, there is a meeting taking place where conversation is happening that I used to be a part of in the old meeting structure. I am freaking out. I began to tweet these crazy statements from within the darkest parts of my heart and mind. Read and enjoy just how depraved and selfish I am.

I'd much rather doubt than believe. Thing is, it makes me a good songwriter but a terrible christ-follower.


I have a propensity for mistrust. It's why I'm a bad friend and an even worse employee.


Inside, I like being angry and frustrated better than I like being happy and at peace. It's easier. I like being lazy.


Whenever I do good, I immediately assume that I've done so because I should and not because I really wanted to.


The ball of tension in my gut is the dark secret thing that I nurture so I have a feeling I can always count on.


I constantly look for what I can get out of a situation or relationship - sometimes without even knowing it.


I don't know if I really believe all this crap.


Like my jokes? It's a dark humor. You wouldn't understand.


I find my self worth in possessing a skill, aptitude, idea or knowledge that no one else does. It makes me better than everyone.


I have an insatiable need for affirmation. It's like a bottomless tub of popcorn that gets stuck on your tonsils.


I have an unending desire to feel special. By the very nature of my need it cannot be met.


My needs are defined by my wants and I always want more. Therefore I always need more. I'm a needy poor soul - according to me.

This is an evil stream of subconsciousness that is totally given over to the selfish things I am feeling inside. Have a great day! TMF

Best Of The Best

Several years ago, I wrote a song about my fears and insecurities with regards to my ability to provide for my family. I've always seen monetary affluence as a symbol of success. Recently, however, I am starting to feel that the best way to measure my life's worth isn't by the total earned figure, but by how much margin there is below that figure. This way, no matter how much money I have, it's always enough. Read the lines and feel the desperation. It makes me sad to think of the turmoil inside of myself at that time. As tumultuous as our life can be now with 3 kids, a mortgage, career and so forth, nothing compares to the hopeless, frustrated listlessness that abided in my mind then. I am truly grateful for where we are now - our life is a story of God's grace.

Best Of The Best

Michael Ferrari 2006

This is all I have to give, just a little bit.

This is not enough to live comfortably

The weak don’t know what to say when the strong arrive

You’ll find the weak where the wounded lay

And say a prayer that they will survive

            It isn’t the best things I’ve ever wanted

            tearing me up inside like this one thing:

            that I can’t provide the best of the best for you.

You know your grandfather said it best

when you danced at the winery

“You shouldn’t wear that wedding dress

if you have to work as hard as he”

And my heart, God rest it’s soul,

it goes out for your every need.

We’re throwing good money down the hole

but pinch the nickel till we make it bleed.

            It isn’t the best things I’ve ever wanted

            tearing me up inside like this one thing:

            that I can’t provide the best of the best for you.

Modern Cynicism Article

Here is an interesting, albiet dated, article on the cynicism that permeates our generation. Enjoy. TMF

Modern cynicism
It's a kinder, gentler brand of smart-ass that's circulating among the hipsters Legitimate rage, which fuels the nastiest cynics, is lacking today, by San Grewal

---

Unrelenting cynicism and apathy was the tone of the 1990s grunge scene. That language fit the Gen X stereotype and their frustration as they were unable to compete with boomers for social, cultural and economic dominance.
Many in that generation, convinced they were being denied their rightful opportunity, chose to bow out of the rat race early (the vast majority are now feverishly making up lost ground).
But when this generation of twentysomethings — coddled by the merchants of success, on the front line of technological advancement and the current global youth movement — use words like "whatever" and "who cares" it seems disingenuous.
If anything, this type of easily adopted cynicism simply provides an excuse to avoid any real commitment or emotional attachment to the very opportunities that await today's youth. So promising careers are akin to selling out, social change is the goal of flakists, meaningful relationships are for gag-me romantics, and creative expression is the domain of narcissistic artists.
There is no cause, identity, craft or relationship that is free from the scorn of the tragically cynical. Deep beliefs are replaced by easily disposable opinions. And the future is a place to fear — not look forward to.
But rest assured, with this generation, it's all just a put-on. Because when a twentysomething uses the language of skepticism, irony, sarcasm and cynicism, he or she may be afraid — but most aren't genuinely angry. They're just talking tough.
When sitting in movie theatres, flipping through the weekly downtown tabloids or browsing through the latest youth magazines dominating the racks — and especially when actually talking to a twentysomething in person — the language hits with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
Cynicism, sarcasm, irony, skepticism: "That's so lame." It pounds away relentlessly.
It's nothing new.
But it's unlike the generalizations that defined their angry Xer predecessors, who became cynical after never having a chance to be idealistic. And it's equally different from the cynicism of the boomers, who became that way after being coerced to forsake their idealism.
No, the current generation of twentysomethings uses cynicism like a foil, to hide the hope that lies beneath.
But if you're in your 20s and you can't speak the language — "Man, that so sucks" — or if you absentmindedly slip from the noncommittal tones of irony and cynicism, into an expression of how you might really feel — nostalgic, sentimental, hopeful, romantic — don't look to your peers for a reassuring gesture that says, "Man, I know how you feel."
After watching the film Garden State, an earnest attempt to portray this generation's coming of age experience, devoid, for the most part, of the cynicism that most twentysomething offerings hide behind, I wondered how it would be perceived by its intended audience.
The reviews, written mostly by thirty- and fortysomethings, said of the film by writer/director/lead actor Zach Braff of NBC's Scrubs fame: "So emotionally honest and is so well done that it's hard not to take to it."— Desert News Salt Lake City; "A quirky, at times terrifically sweet and well-acted coming of age tale." — Boston Herald; "... the emotions and longings Braff manages to tap into are deeply universal." — Los Angeles Daily News.
The reviews rung true. Though none pointed out how desperately, at times, Braff tried to mask his obviously "sweet," "emotionally honest" story behind the type of cynical dialogue more synonymous with movies such as Richard Linklater's Slacker and the recent surprise hit Napoleon Dynamite.
But it wasn't surprising to read one of the many cynical reviews posted online: "jedigerard" wrote, "Here are my 18 reasons why Garden State totally sucked." Among them, number two: "Natalie Portman- SHE WAS SO F---ING ANNOYING!!!!! Her voice, her crying. All of it sucked." And number five: "I didn't care about any of these people and their coming of age."
Reason number 17, however, betrayed "jedigerard's" flimsy cynicism, revealing that he actually wanted to care about "these people and their coming of age: "Just because you SAY a romance is supposed to work, doesn't mean that it works. Did anyone of you — even for a millisecond — buy that romance?"
It reads like the confused thoughts of a boy at a party who desperately wants to ask a girl out, then, after she leaves, retreats into the resigned, but soothing stance of cynicism to justify his fear: "Whatever."
One posting certainly doesn't underscore a generational habit of using skepticism and irony as a barrier to protect deep emotional expectations. But for every "jedigerard" there are millions of others who claim they don't care about anything overly sentimental while secretly searching for stories about romances that really could work.
When you read between the lines of this generation, the stinging tone of their cynicism can be stripped away like a protective veneer, a façade, revealing something much more honest, more hopeful.
For example, Liz Maverick's novel What A Girl Wants was praised by its twentysomething readership this year for presenting characters that, unlike the jaded thirtysomethings on Sex And The City, cherish the sentimental and romantic in their lives.
But perhaps the most telling use of irony to hide the romantic hope that many twentysomethings hold out for was writer/director Kevin Smith's 2001 film Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which became a cult hit among its predominately male, university-age audience.
The chronically profane, burnt out Jay, a peripheral fixture in Smith's earlier films, is an antidote to the angry characters of Gen-X films such as Reality Bites. He embarks on a quest to defeat an evil Hollywood studio and get the girl of his dreams. Yes, even guys like Jay are closet romantics.
In a way it's easy to see why this may be the most romantic generation in decades. Advertised to and co-opted by the forces of consumerism all their lives, witnesses to the failed marriages of their parents' generation, it's no wonder they often use cynical language. Even the technologies that extend from them like appendages seem cold and sterile, inspiring distant and cynical exchanges.
But there's an important difference between those who use cynicism as an expression of genuine anger or disillusionment and those who use it to mask something completely different — fear of questions that don't come with easy answers.
The funny thing is, when this generation uses cynicism and irony it's almost always an opposite expression of how people really feel — hopeful, sentimental, romantic. 

---

Have It All

Hey everybody! After my friend Adam Hann posted the music video for my song "Have It All" from Saturate's "Press Record" event on Church Stage Design Ideas' blog, there have been several requests for the chart and lyrics. So, here is a link to download a zip with the chart, lyrics and mp3's for "Have It All". Get it HERE.  Hope you enjoy! - TMF

Interesting Song